Betrayal
by BluEyes
Summary: Everyone makes mistakes...*final chapter now up*
1. If She Only Knew

Betrayal

Part 1~If She Only Knew

I was going to have this be based on something that really happened to someone I know, but my conscience wouldn't allow me to write something about someone who's no longer alive. So I don't think it will be. But please don't kill me over the plot…you have no idea how hard it is for me to write this plot line, lol. The parts in italics are flashbacks. And same as always, I don't own the characters, never have. But I will. Someday, I will…

Chandler rolled over, trying to catch his breath, a rush of guilt flooding over him. Just like it always did. Every time. And he had no idea why he kept doing it. He had everything to lose if everyone found out. He had a wife, two kids.

She had nothing to lose. She also was married, had a baby. But she also had a reputation for this. His marriage was falling apart, she became his confidant, one thing led to another, and human nature took over.

Her intent, his mistake.

Yet another affair for her, his only regret.

"You okay? You're awful quiet today…"

"Yeah, I-just thinking," Chandler mumbled, moving to get up. "I should get going."

"Stay?" she pleaded, but he ignored her, grabbing his clothes that were strewn across the floor, pulling them on in a hurry.

"It's almost five, Jess, I gotta get home," he grabbed his tie, which had been thrown over a chair. "And Mark will be home soon," he looked up at her, the awkward silence that always seemed to take over right before Chandler left following. He always almost kissed her, almost automatically, but his conscience would suddenly take over and he couldn't. "See you tomorrow," he said quietly, giving her one last glance as she started to get dressed.

"Bye," Jessi replied, watching as he walked out the door, his head hung in shame, and she knew that if he turned around, there'd be no mistaking the look of guilt on his face.

Chandler unlocked his car, pausing for a moment after he got in, shivering from the chill in the late-autumn wind.

Or maybe the shiver wasn't from the cold.

Chandler just sighed, starting the car as he glanced at the clock, trying to decide which excuse he'd give to Monica when he got home. But just at the thought of Monica, he started to crumble. Sure, it hadn't been going all that great-hell, it'd been horrible between them lately-but he still didn't see that as a reason, as an excuse, to cheat.

And yet he was.

Looking up at the red traffic light, he once again sighed, turning the radio up louder in hopes that it would drown out his thoughts.

"So you just took it. Just like that," Monica crossed her arms.

"Mon-"

"No! You just…took it. What about** my** job?"

"They have restaurants in Detroit, too…"

"And what about the kids? You want to just uproot them, take them away from their school, their friends?"

"There's schools in Detroit... They'll make new friends."

"Damnit, Chandler, that's not event the point! You didn't even talk to me about it!"

" Well that's only because I thought there'd be no way you could have any objections to it! I-"

"I, I, I."

"Yes, I, I, I," Chandler looked her in the eye, "For once in my life **I** was being the selfish one!"

Monica let out a huffy breath. "Don't even-"

"Don't even what, Monica?" he asked rhetorically. "Am I not right? Does everything not always have to be Monica's way? Well, for once in my life I wanted it to be **my** way!"

"You know you sound about 16?"

Chandler sighed, sitting down on the couch. "What do you want me to do? I already said yes."

"I know," Monica lowered her eyes. "Can you get out of it?"

"I don't know," Chandler stood back up, turning to face her. "And I don't know if I want-"

"I didn't ask what you want, Chandler, I asked if you could."

"I could try," he finally said. "But do you realize that I've never really liked what I've done? I could do this and I could be good at this."

"Well, I'm not going," Monica crossed her arms.

"What?"

"Do what you have to do, but I'm not going."

"Mon…"

"Don't 'Mon' me, I'm mad at you," she snapped, turning her back to him. Closing her eyes, she tried to think of what to say. "We've done this before…take the job, live in Michigan, come home on the weekends…"

Chandler sighed, taking a step toward her. "But it was good then," he almost whispered, not wanting to admit out loud what everyone already knew. "I-I don't think we'd make it."

Monica turned to face him, knowing very well that he was right. "Then there you go. Make your decision. You job or your family."

"Mon, that's not fair."

"Well, life's a bitch, Chandler," Monica turned to leave the room. "And the man I married wouldn't have had to give that decision a second thought." 

Chandler closed his eyes, sinking back into the couch. She was right. 15 years before, he wouldn't have given it a second thought. But right now, he couldn't even remember a time when he was happy, when everything was still good.

"Dad."

Chandler's eyes popped open, turning around to see his nine-year-old daughter standing at the top of the stairs. "Go back to bed, Megs," he said softly, but she ignored it, coming down the stairs. She walked over to where he was, sitting on the couch next to him and wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Don't leave," she whispered, holding back tears. "Please don't leave."

Chandler held her. His mind had already been made up the second that he saw her standing there.

"Never, baby," he kissed her hair, "Never."

Chandler turned into their driveway, swallowing his guilt as he took the keys out of the ignition before opening his door.

Here it goes. Another set of lies. Another night of pretending.

"Hey," he was greeted by Monica, who was standing in the kitchen when he walked in.

"Hey," he replied, giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

"How was your day?" she asked, turning back to what she was cooking on the stove.

Chandler just looked at her back. It was much easier to lie to her when she wasn't face to face with him. And she could always tell…She said his eyes gave him away. But lately, he'd gotten better. Or maybe she'd stopped caring. You only hear what you want to hear, see what you want to see.

"Fine," he replied at last, only one thought going through his mind when he said it.

If she only knew.

To

Be

Continued…

Please review…I really wanna know what you people think of this one. And you have no idea how hard it is for me to make my Chandler the bad guy…LOL…so please let me know what you think…

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	2. What He Swore He'd Never Be

Betrayal

Part 2~ What He Swore He'd Never Be

I got fought over today. We're doing a project in English (yeah, first day back and we already have a project, teachers have **no** mercy) and two groups fought over me. It made me feel really special. And I was rather out of it today cuz I've been sick for like the past week, so I was just like, eh, whatever, sure I'll be with you… it was one of those 'auto-pilot' days where I just went through the actions…and I'm really not sure how I managed that with a new schedule…hmm…I hope I went to all my classes…But newayz, no flames and I only lost the total respect of one person. Not too bad, LOL. 

Chandler lay in bed, watching Monica breath. In and out. In and out. He hadn't watched her sleep in a long time, hadn't even slept without his back toward her in what seemed like forever. They'd hardly even been on speaking terms for longer than he could remember. They just went through the actions.

Where had they gone wrong?

He'd spent so long searching for that one moment that he could pinpoint and say that **that** was when it went wrong. That was when **they** went wrong.

But even after the many sleepless nights and the wasted days at work, he couldn't. 

It'd been too long. Fights ran together, tears ran together…years ran together. Time got lost somewhere along the line. He could hardly even remember a time when it had been good.

No, he could remember the happy times. Years of friendship, dating, when they were newlyweds, buying their house, when both Megan and Josh were born…of course he could remember the good times. It's just that the memories no longer seemed to belong to him. It was more like old home movies of someone else's life, playing and replaying in his head.

"You okay?" Monica whispered, causing Chandler to jump, not expecting it.

"Yeah, um, fine," he replied, making eye contact. He could tell she was concerned, and he knew that she could tell he wasn't fine. He knew she knew that something was wrong. And he had a feeling that she knew what it was. But he also knew that she wasn't going to come out and just accuse him of it, either. And despite everything, he could still see something. 

She loved him.

And he loved her. Despite everything, all the fights, the yelling, the threats of leaving, he still loved her for some reason. Out of habit, maybe. But can you ever love someone out of habit? He moved closer to her, deciding not to question himself. He loved her. That was all that mattered.

"I love you," he whispered before kissing her. Monica kissed back, it'd been way too long, but she could tell by his kisses that it wasn't going to stop at that.

"I love you, too," she whispered back, letting him pull off her clothes before starting on his.

Chandler kissed her hard on the mouth. Even if he was sleeping with Jessi, he still preferred making love to Monica.

~*~

Josh looked up into the stands, grinning. His mom had said 50 bucks for a hat trick (three goals for all you sports-illiterate people…Annie-yeah,um, sure, we can call it the, um, "bully box"…that works, too, lol…). She'd probably just been kidding to get him pumped because they were playing their rivals, who they always lost against, but he was going to have to hold her to that. He finally spotted his mom and sister in the stands, his smile fading as he realized that his dad wasn't there. He'd said that he'd be there. He'd promised that he'd be there, swore that he would be. 

And he wasn't there.

~*~

"Shit!" Chandler looked at the clock, jumping out of bed. "Oh, shit." He'd fallen asleep. Worst mistake to make.

"What?"

"Josh's hockey game," he replied. "Shit, I gotta go," he rushed to get ready. "Bye, Jess."

"Bye," she replied, even though he'd already run out the door.

~*~

"I believe that was three goals for Josh Bing," Josh grinned at his mother as he came off of the ice. "Which, in a more technical sense, we would call a hat trick, which means…" his eyes got wide as she handed him the money. "Oh my god I thought you were kidding about that."

Monica shrugged, "You deserve it, good game."

"Thanks," he grinned again. "Where's Dad?" Monica's smile faded. "He didn't come, did he?" Josh asked quietly.

"I'm sure he just got caught up at work or someth-"

"Whatever," Josh turned to go into the locker room. "I'm gonna go change."

Monica sighed, watching him walk away. He couldn't believe that Chandler hadn't shown up.

"Dad!" Monica turned around when Megan saw Chandler.

"Hey, Megs," he smiled at her before looking up at Monica. "Look, Monica, I-"

"Don't make excuses, Chandler," she shook her head. "Just don't."

"Look, I'm sorry that I wasn't here."

"Well, tell that to Josh, don't tell it to me. See if your son will buy your excuses because I sure as hell don't anymore," she turned to go. "C'mon, Megan." Megan obediently followed her, and Chandler looked down when she looked back at him, too ashamed to meet her eye. "You can bring Josh home."

Chandler sighed; he couldn't do this. It wasn't him. 

And yet it had somehow become his life.

"Hey, Josh," he smiled when he finally came out of the locker room. "You guys win?"

"What do you care," he mumbled, turning to leave. "Where'd Mom and Megan go."

"Home."

"Oh," he stopped walking, still refusing to turn and look at his father.

"Look, Josh, I'm sorry I missed your game."

"Yeah, whatever," he continued to walk away.

"Josh," Chandler tried again, but he continued to ignore him. "Joshua Bing."

"What?" he turned to face him. "You said you'd be here, you told me you would, and you weren't! Yes, we won, the first time we've ever beat them and you weren't here! Four to one. I scored three of the goals. Not that you were here to see it," he looked him in the eye.

"Josh, I-"

"I don't care anymore," he interrupted. "I don't care!" he repeated, throwing his stick and bag to the ground in front of Chandler. "I'm 12, I'm not stupid. Make however many stupid excuses you want to, you still weren't here," he paused again. "You can take my stuff, I'll get a ride home from Eric."

"Josh, wait. Josh," Chandler called, but he had already walked out the door. Sighing, he picked up Josh's things, realization hitting him.

He was everything he swore he'd never become.

To

Be

Continued…

Please review :) Yeah, like the little happy face makes it all better, LOL…um, how 'bout a bigger smiley face? :-D 


	3. I Miss You

Betrayal

Part 3~ I Miss You

I'm so sick of being sick. Seriously, I had the flu, and then that turned into a cold, and now I have an ear infection. In both ears. This blows. And it's cold out today. It was 70 yesterday, 65 the day before, and then it's like 35 degrees today. Which is actually warmer than it usually is in January here, but, hey, I liked the whole 70 degrees thing. But neways, thanks so much for the reviews. And, yeah, sorry for making Chandler so mean and evil…it'll get better, I promise :) I've had this part written for awhile, well, a few days, but it was pretty short, so I was gonna add to it…But then I decided to just post it. So sorry that it's short.

"Jessi," she kissed him, cutting him off. "Jess, stop."

"What?" she pulled back, looking at him.

"I can't do this anymore," he moved away from her.

"What?" she repeated.

"I just…us…I-I can't do this anymore."

"Why not?" she moved closer to him.

"Jessi," he moved away again. "I just can't."

Jessi sighed. "Monica?" she asked quietly, looking down.

"No. Yes. I don't know," he sighed. "I'm not just hurting her. I missed Josh's game yesterday, and he was really upset. He was hurt. And then Monica and I were fighting and I can't take the look on Megan's face when she sees us fighting. I just…I can't hurt them. Not anymore than I already have."

Jessi stared at the floor, not knowing what to day. "Then this is good-bye," she looked up at him, moving closer and kissing him once more.

And this time he didn't pull away.

~*~

"Hey, Megs," Chandler walked in, seeing her at the kitchen table. "Where's your mom?"

"She's upstairs in bed, she's sick," she said without looking up from what she was doing. Chandler kissed her on top of the head as he walked by before heading up to their room.

He slowly opened the door, trying not to make any noise in case she was asleep. He stood in the doorway for a moment, just watching her sleeping figure in their bed. He smiled; she was lying on his side of the bed. She had once told him that his scent was comforting when she was sick, so she'd always steal his pillow when she didn't feel well.

Walking over to the bed, he sat down on the edge. He placed his hand against her forehead, noticing that her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes fluttered open and he whispered, "Sorry," brushing his hand against her cheek.

"Your hands are really cold," Monica mumbled.

"No, I think it's because you're burning up."

"Then why am I so cold?" she rolled over, burying her face in his pillow. Chandler didn't respond, but started to gently rub her back. "What happened?"

"What?" Chandler asked when she looked up at him.

"What happened to us?"

"I don't know," Chandler replied honestly, his hand stopping, but still resting on her back.

"I miss you," Monica whispered.

Chandler smiled, kicking his shoes off as he lay down next to her, wrapping his arms around her. "I miss you, too."

To

Be

Continued…

Yeah, that part might not seem like much, but I know where I'm going with this :-D see, the smiley face was so that you'll review again since it had such an impact last time, lol. So please review, thanks 


	4. Wouldn’t Want to be Me

Betrayal

Part 4~ Wouldn't Want to be Me

SNOW DAYYYYY!!!! A WOO-HOO!!! Only good thing about the cold :-) So I laughed at one of my friends cuz she named her car, but she explained to me that every car needs a name, so we were going through like, every guy's name in the world (she said my car was definitely a guy, lol), and they dubbed my car Chandler. Cuz on Friends last week (this isn't a spoiler, don't run and hide…) he said something to the extent of "Yeah, I tend to keep talking till someone stops me" and they said that's definitely me. Because, if you haven't been able to tell from my AN's, I start talking and don't shut up till A) someone says "Shut up, Jamie" or B) I look around and notice the blank stares that everyone is giving me. Like now. I should probably shut up. But I'm not done yet, so I keep going. Thanks so much for the reviews, this fic isn't going quite the way I wanted it to at first, but I think I like where it's going now. I think. But newayz, this is dedicated to my Katie- Alone we get lost, together we…well, we still get lost, but we **will** eventually get there! LOL…

"I'm a horrible, horrible person," Chandler sighed. "And incredibly weak. I'm an incredibly weak, horrible, horrible person."

"No, you're not," Jessi brushed her hand across his cheek. 

"Yes, I am," he sighed again, sitting up.

"No, you're not," she paused. "You are predictable, though. You're about to say that you'd better get going."

Chandler gave her a slight smile. "So I'm a predictable, incredibly weak, horrible, horrible person," he paused. "And, yeah, I'd better get going."

"See you tomorrow, then?"

Chandler closed his eyes, praying to god that he could be a stronger person and would be able to say no. "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," he answered quietly.

Too bad his prayers had yet to be answered,

~*~

__

"You wanna leave? Fine, leave!" Monica yelled, following him down the stairs and into the kitchen, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "If I'm so damn hard to put up with then don't! Just leave!"

Chandler turned to face her, wiping his own tears. "Ya know what, maybe I will!"

Monica looked him in the eye. "Fine, you want to leave, then go. But you walk out that door," she paused, pulling her wedding ring off," you take our marriage with you." She took a step closer, dropping her ring into his jacket pocket before turning away.

Chandler took a deep, shaky breath, looking around before walking out, letting the door slam shut behind him.

Monica collapsed to the floor in disbelief, letting herself cry. She hadn't actually believed that he would really leave. She finally pulled herself together, realizing that she didn't want to have to explain if either of the kids came down. As she stood up, she stared at disbelief at what was on the counter.

Both of their wedding rings.

She almost smiled, sliding her ring back onto her finger. He'd be back before morning, they both just needed to cool off before either one said anything else that they'd regret.

~*~

"Wow, almost in time for dinner. That's twice in one week," Monica took a drink from her glass as Chandler walked in.

"Hi to you, too," he smiled, looking at Megan and Monica who were sitting at the table, eating. "Where's Josh?"

"Why don't you go ask your son that?"

"Uh-oh, my son, what'd he do?"

"Go ask him," Monica repeated.

"Okay," Chandler finally agreed, not sure what Josh could've done that was so bad. "Josh?" he knocked on his bedroom door, and when he didn't hear a response, walked in. "Hey, what happened?"

"Nothing," he mumbled, sitting down on his bed.

"Nothing?" Chandler sat down next to him.

"Well, I guess I kinda got suspended…" 

"Suspended?" he looked at Josh, who took an immediate interest in the ball in his hands. "What for?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing," Chandler repeated.

"Yeah, they just decided to randomly start suspending people," he shrugged, standing up. "No biggie."

"No biggie?" he looked at him. "Joshua…"

Josh sighed. "I kinda got in a fight…"

"You got in a fight?"

"And I hit this kid…"

"You hit a kid?"

"Wow, this new echo thing is really cool," Josh said sarcastically, turning back to face his father.

"Josh, why did you get in a fight?"

"What, do you and Mom do enough fighting for our entire family?"

Chandler stood up. "Josh," he warned.

"What? And does it really matter what reason I give you? What excuse I give you?" he paused. "Are adults the only ones allowed to fight and to make up excuses?" he was now yelling.

Chandler sighed, running his hand through his hair. "My god, I've created a clone of myself."

Josh looked at his father, pausing to look him in the eye. "I sure hope not," he said, only regretting it when he saw the look in Chandler's eyes after he'd said it. "Wait, Dad, I-"

"It's okay," Chandler said quietly, interrupting Josh as he turned to leave the room. "I wouldn't want to be like me either."

To

Be

Continued…

I almost died today. Maybe not really, but my car hit some ice and I completely lost control and did a 180 spin and my heart was beating so fast and I was shaking so bad…but there were no cars around which is weird cuz I was on a usually busy street. And I was all alone and only like half a block from where I was meeting my friends…it was so scary. But there I go with the rambling again, so I'll shut up. Please review : )


	5. They’re Gonna Break Your Heart

Betrayal

Part 5~ They're Gonna Break Your Heart

I never thought of my little stunt as being James Bond-ish, hehe. Sweet. But my car is definitely **not** James Bond-ish…it can't even hold it's own racing against a Mustang…**not** that I know from experience ;) But anywayz, it's nice to know that you're all glad I'm not dead, LOL. So anyways (wow, if I had, like, a penny for every time I said "so anyway" or "anywayz") but anyway (And there I go again…) thanks for all the reviews. We have today off for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day so I have another chance to write, yay. This part is, like, really short. I know all of these parts are short, but this one is really really short. But it's really really important. And now I'll let you get to reading it…

"Bad day?" Jessi asked, pulling back after Chandler had immediately kissed her as soon as he walked in.

"You have no idea," he mumbled, going back to kissing her. They moved toward her couch, not even bothering to try and make it upstairs to a bedroom since it was still early. And as Jessi worked on getting Chandler's shirt off, it was becoming clear that neither one of them wanted to wait long enough to go upstairs. 

"Oh my god."

Chandler and Jessi both immediately froze, Jessi slowly sitting up and getting off of Chandler.

"Mark," she began.

"God, I knew it," he almost laughed. "I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you'd really changed," he paused, shaking his head. "God, I can't believe I actually thought you could change," he moved back toward the door, walking out.

Jessi sighed, running her hand through her hair before burying her face in her hands.

"I'm gonna go," Chandler said quietly, standing up and pulling his shirt back on. "Look, Jess, I-I'm sorry about everything that's happened.

Jessi looked up at him. "I'm not."

"Then I guess that's the difference between you and me," he looked back at her one last time before walking out the door.

~*~

Chandler drove around aimlessly for hours. It was too early to go home, and he really didn't want to go back to work. But he could only drive around with nothing but his thoughts for so long.

When he finally pulled up at his house, he looked at the clock. He was earlier than he'd been lately, but not so early that Monica would question why he was home already.

Chandler sighed, walking in the front door, the house unusually quiet. No kids yelling, no TV on, nothing. "Monica?" he said, wondering if she wasn't home yet. "Mon?" he repeated, walking into the living room, and seeing her sitting on the couch hugging her knees to her chest, tear-stained face, he realized that he hadn't even considered one possibility.

Mark had gone straight to Monica.

To

Be

Continued…

Please review…the more you review, the sooner I'll post the next part…


	6. The Moment of Truth in Your Lies

Betrayal

Part 6~ The Moment of Truth in Your Lies

My dog is seriously like the most entertaining thing in the world. He's so stupid…like right now, he's trying to fit his squeaky toy and a tennis ball into his mouth at the same time. It's hilarious, LOL. But newayz, thanks so much for all the reviews. And TowMondler-I'm glad you didn't die, too :) And, um, I don't know how many four-letter words you can have in something before it goes from being rated PG-13 to rated R…and even if this should be rated R, that's too bad. Me and my friends had that conversation today…and we decided that it's stupid to have movies and stuff be rated R and you can't get in unless you're 17. I mean, are you all of a sudden maturer than you were when you were 16? Do you suddenly have the ability to hear the f-word? And on the radio when they censor it and make it "She hates me, nananana, she f-kin' hates me" can we not tell what the word is even with the two letters of sound they left out? Seriously, people!

Sorry, just needed to rant. I'm better now…

She looked at him. Just looked at him, not saying a word. 

It had to be true.

He looked guilty, looked like he knew why she was upset, knew why she was crying. It was true.

"Monica…"

Monica swallowed, wiping her eyes and taking a shaky breath as she stood up, walking over to where Chandler was standing. "So I had an interesting conversation with Mark today," she looked him in the eye, and he looked down. "Is it-is it true?" she choked out, not even sure why she was asking.

Chandler looked back up. "Yes," he whispered, feeling the sting of Monica's hand across his cheek a second later. Chandler closed his eyes, not turning his head back to face Monica right away. He'd deserved that. That and ten million times that, and he knew it.

He finally turned back to face her, tears in his eyes, "Monic-"

"No, don't you even cry. **You** have **no** right to cry," she cut him off. "Don't even cry," she wiped the tears that fell down her own cheeks.

"Monica-"

"How long?" she cut him off again, not about to give him a chance to talk.

"Four months," Chandler lowered his eyes.

Monica continued to look at him in disbelief. "So all this time…all the fights, all the times you've been coming home late…when you missed Josh's game…"

"It's not like we were doing all that great before, anyway," Chandler snapped, looking back up at her.

"Fuck your excuses, Chandler!" Monica yelled, throwing a glass of water that had been sitting on the coffee table against the wall, and it shattered instantly. "Fuck your excuses, it's not like that's an actual reason."

"I know it's not, but I'm sorry."

"Oh, sorry, well that makes it better," Monica said sarcastically. "That makes it all go away."

"Monica, I know I screwed up!"

"Screwed up?" Monica looked at him. "Screwing up is forgetting to do a load of laundry when I ask you to do it. Screwing up is forgetting our anniversary. I think they'd have to come up with an entire new word for you."

"Look, Monica, I'm sorry. And I've felt like shit for the past few months."

"Then why did you do it?" she snapped, looking up at him, and when he didn't answer, added, "That wasn't rhetorical."

Chandler shrugged, wiping his eyes. "I don't know."

"Was it-did you love her, or was it just…" Monica trailed off. "Actually, I don't think I want to know. Because you either just cheated for the physical part, or you really do love somebody else, and I don't know which would hurt more to hear."

"Monica…" Chandler started once again, but she turned away from him. "Mon, I love you."

"Fuck you," she turned back to face him, looking him in the eye. Chandler looked down, and Monica sighed. "I-I think you should leave," she said quietly a few seconds later.

"What?" Chandler looked up.

"Just…get out. I can't do this right now…God, I can't even look at you right now," she turned away. "Even with all the fights, with all the shit, I just never thought…" she trailed off, wiping her eyes. "And I just can't right now, Chandler. Just…get out."

"Mon-"

"Get out," she yelled, turning to face him, "Get the hell out!"

Chandler just looked at her for a second. Even with all the times she'd told him to leave, all the times he'd threatened to leave, she'd never looked like she seriously wanted him to.

Until now.

Chandler took a deep, shaky breath, and Monica looked down, not watching as he walked out the door, not even slamming it shut behind him.

To

Be

Continued…


	7. Cry

Betrayal

Part 7~ Cry

I have the best friends in the world…I woke up this morning and couldn't even talk without coughing for like ten minutes straight so after school they brought me an I.C. Caramel from Panera…ooh, I think I just figured out what I.C. stands for…iced cappuccino. Yeah, I can be slow sometimes, lol, I just have to prove that the blonde hair is natural. But anyway, once again, thanks so much for all the great reviews. And I really am sorry that these parts are so short, that's just how it's coming to me and I think that it's made sense for all of them to end where they end. And with shorter chapters I update a lot more often than when they're long chapters. It really used to bug me when people posted really short chapters and I never understood why until now. Sometimes it just works better that way. And, wow, I never thought I'd actually be able to make you people hate Chandler, lol. 

Chandler shut the door slowly, very aware of the fact that he was still crying as he got into his car. He wiped his eyes, squeezing them shut in an attempt to stop. Because she was right. He had no right to be the one crying. **He'd** screwed up. **He'd** hurt her, not the other way around.

But he'd also hurt himself in the process.

He'd never seriously thought of the consequences. He knew that she'd be hurt, but he'd pushed it out of his mind, telling himself that she would never find out. But there had always been the voice in the back of his head telling him it would hurt her like hell.

But the voice didn't warn him of how bad he was hurting himself.

Not that that even mattered much anyway. Seeing the look on Monica's face was what killed him the most. He'd never seen her that hurt, not with all of their fights, with everything that had been said. And it killed him to know that he was the cause of it. Knowing that he caused her pain was what hurt the most.

Chandler took a deep, shaky breath, watching his breath in the cold air condense as he exhaled slowly. He started the car, looking up at the house before driving away.

"I wanna play in the snow!" Josh jumped up and down. "Please, please, please?"

"You wanna take him out?" Monica looked up at Chandler.

"What, you're not gonna come, too?"

"Someone has to stay in here with Megan."

"C'mon, it's not that cold out, she can come out, too, huh, Megs," he picked up a year-old Megan. "Please, Mon? Come play with us?"

"Yeah, Mom, come play with us?" Josh added, continuing to jump up and down.

Monica laughed at how much the same they were, "Fine."

~

You can't use her as a shield and expect not to get hit by a snowball," Chandler looked at Monica, who was holding Megan.

"Yeah, I can. It's working really well, actually."

Chandler grinned, getting an idea. "Wanna come to Daddy, Megs?" he walked over to where they were standing and Megan held her arms out to him, so Monica handed him the baby. Chandler laughed, picking up a snowball and throwing it at her.

"That was a dirty trick, Bing," Monica warned, trying not to laugh. Josh ran by, throwing another snowball at her, causing Chandler to laugh harder. "And now you've turned my own son against me, too."

"I'm sorry," Chandler laughed, walking back up the sidewalk toward her. "Truce?" he held his hand out to her.

"Yeah, that's what you think," Monica grinned, bending down to make a snowball.

"Hey, you can't throw that at me, I have Megan," he held her out in front of him, and she giggled. "I have Megan," he repeated, taking off running with Monica following, hitting him in the back of the head with the snowball.

"Touché," Chandler turned back to face her in defeat. "Can we go inside now?"

"No!" Josh whined.

"Come on, buddy, it's getting dark out," Monica agreed. "We can have some hot chocolate when we get inside."

"With the colored marshmallow?"

"Yeah, with the colored marshmallows."

Josh stopped to think for a second. "Okay," he gave in, running up to the front door.

"Take your boots and stuff off as soon as you get inside so you don't track snow all over the house," Monica yelled after him, and Chandler laughed, wrapping his arm around he, kissing Megan on the forehead as they headed inside.

Before, all of the fights had run through his head. Fight after fight, threat after threat, tear after tear. It was as if he was subconsciously trying to rationalize his cheating with all of their fights, with everything that had gone wrong between them.

But now he could think of all the good times, too. Every reason he had to stay. Every reason he should have used not to have an affair.

But he hadn't.

Chandler sighed, pulling up in Joey's driveway. He wasn't sure why or how he'd ended up there, but that's where he was. And he really didn't have anywhere else to go. He could go to a hotel, but he had absolutely nothing with him.

He took a deep breath before getting out of the car, hoping to God that Joey would let him stay there, even after he heard why he was there.

"Uncle Chandler!" he was greeted at the door by Joey's youngest son.

"Hey, Tony, is your dad here?"

"Yeah, just a second," he said, running down the hallway. "Dad!"

"Chandler?" Joey appeared at the door a few seconds later. "You okay, man?"

Chandler stepped inside, shutting the door behind him, but not answering Joey's question.

"What happened?"

Chandler almost laughed; that's what Monica had asked him only a few days earlier. "It's kind of a long story," Chandler looked around at Joey's two daughters who were in the family room.

"That's okay, we can go upstairs to the study and talk," Joey offered, genuinely concerned and getting the hint that he didn't want to say anything in front of the kids.

"You might hate me after you know," Chandler looked back at him, and it was then that Joey realized he'd been crying.

"I could never **hate** you, Chandler," Joey offered a small smile, but he didn't return it. "Come on, man, let's go talk," he patted his shoulder before leading the way upstairs. "So?" Joey asked after he'd closed the door, looking up at Chandler.

Chandler concentrated on a single spot on the rug, not sure of how to tell Joey, but knowing that he didn't want to see the look on his face when he did. Chandler took a deep breath. "I cheated on Monica."

"What?" Joey asked in shock.

"It's just…We've been fighting for so long, and I know that's not an excuse, but…God, I've screwed up in the past, but this," he looked up, and Joey could tell he was trying not to cry.

"Just once or…"

"For four months…four fucking months," Chandler shook his head. "Jessi's husband walked in on us today…and he went straight to Monica to tell her…" he trailed off. "God, I can only imagine how hurt she is right now. And I wouldn't blame her if she didn't forgive me, cause, god, I don't know if I could if this were reversed," he admitted.

"So do you…do you think it's over?"

"I don't know," Chandler sighed, wiping his eyes. "She told me to leave."

Joey paused. "Do you love her?"

"Monica?"

"Yes, Monica."

"Of course I love her."

"And do you love this other women?"

"No! It was just…the biggest, stupidest, longest mistake I've ever made. And it's just…I can't believe this is my life," he sighed.

Joey looked at Chandler, he looked about ten years older than he had a few months earlier, the last time he'd seen him. And then it hit him why. He'd hardly ever seen Chandler not grinning, let alone seen crying. "Do you think 25 years will really be over because of one mistake?"

"We've only been married for 15 years, Joe. And this isn't just some stupid mistake…"

"I know you've been married for 15 years, but you were friends for, what, ten years before that. That's a quarter of a century, Chandler," Joey said softly.

Chandler looked up at Joey, tears in his eyes. "But, god, I don't know if I can even forgive myself, Joe."

"Chandler-"

"And don't defend me. I don't deserve to be defended," he sat down in a chair, facing away from Joey. Joe waited for a couple of minutes before walking over to him, placing his hand on his shoulder, realizing that he hadn't said anything else because he'd finally let himself break down crying.

To

Be

Continued…

Almost two and a half pages, how'd you like them apples. LOL, I've never understood that saying…but there you go…not quite 210250 words (was that the number catnamedzane used…I don't remember…) but not 10 sentences, either. Please review, I'll post the next part as soon as I can…


	8. Should I Stay or Should I Go

Betrayal

Part 8~ Should I Stay or Should I Go

If you're feeling for both Monica and Chandler then that's probably because I am, too, lol. I don't even hate Chandler…I'm just mad at him. Wow, talking about characters as if they were real…maybe I need some help. And in the last chapter I wanted to make you feel for Chandler…that was the point of that for whoever said they felt for Chandler even though they thought they were supposed to be thinking of Monica…wow, that was confusing, lol.

Monica picked up the phone, hating that whoever was calling was interrupting her wallowing in hurt and self-pity. "Hello?"

"Mon?"

"Joe?"

"Hey."

"Hey, um, what's up?"

Joey paused. "Um, Chandler's here."

"Oh."

"I just…thought you might want to know. You know, if you decide that you want to talk to him or anything."

"Yeah, um, thanks," Monica said quietly.

"No problem," Joey paused. "Well, I guess I'd better go."

"Wait, Joe?"

"Yeah?"

"What do I do?" Monica almost pleaded, and Joey could tell she was crying from the desperation in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Mon, but I don't think I can tell you what to do here," Joey replied, really feeling bad. "But how much you guys have…is it worth losing all of that?"

Monica sniffed. "I-I don't know," she admitted. She'd been going over everything in her head over and over, but she'd gotten nowhere. "H-how is he?" Monica finally asked despite herself.

Joey paused for a second before answering. "I'd never seen that man break down crying before and I never care to again," he finally answered, not sure of whether he should have told her that, but it was the truth.

~*~

Chandler squinted at the alarm clock on the bedside table in Joey's guest bedroom. It was almost 11. He hadn't slept that late in god knows how long. Reluctantly, he got out of bed, realizing that his cell phone ringing was what had woken him up in the first place. 

"Hello?" he answered it quickly without even looking to see who it was, knowing that one more ring and his voice mail would pick up.

"Hey."

"Monica," he said, stating it more than asking, but in shock. It'd been two days and he wasn't sure if he would ever actually hear from her or if the next he would hear from her would be divorce papers from a lawyer.

"Look, I-I think we need to talk," she started in a shaky voice.

"Me, too," Chandler returned quietly.

"And I'm not saying that I'm forgiving you, it's just…"

"Yeah, I know."

"But Josh is spending the night at Eric's and Megan at Kate's, so if you want to come over tonight and we can…talk."

"Okay, um, 6:30?"

"6:30," Monica repeated.

"Well…bye, Mon."

"Bye."

Chandler sighed, hanging up the phone. Monica had sounded calm over the phone, but he wasn't sure she would be in person. Not that he didn't deserve whatever was coming, he was sure that he did. 

~*~

Chandler paused, looking at the door, not sure whether he should just walk in or not. He finally decided on ringing the doorbell just to be safe.

Monica opened the door a minute later, and was surprised to see that Chandler looked just as bad as she felt. Blood-shot eyes from crying and lack of sleep, and unshaven, wearing one of Joey's sweatshirts.

"Hey," he offered quietly.

"Hey," Monica returned, opening the door for him to come in,

"Look, before you say anything, can I…can I just…say something?" Chandler asked hesitantly, and Monica nodded, so he continued. "I love you, Monica. And I know that I fucked up, but, Mon, I'm sorry. And I know that the past two years have been shit, but I've been letting myself think that that's all we ever had…But it's not. I've spent the past couple of nights thinking…remembering," he paused. "I've known you my entire adult life, and, as it turns out, you're all I know. Every memory I have, you're a part of it. And I have no idea why I remember some of them," he chuckled to himself. "Rachel and Phoebe arguing over relaxi-taxi or relaxi-cab, or something like that…but what I remember is **you** in my arms. And we weren't even together yet, but, Mon, that's what I remember about it.

"We were good, Mon, real good for a really long time. Hell, 18 years later and I'm still on London time," he offered a small smile, and Monica just wiped the tears falling down her cheek. "And I know the last couple of years have been hell, but you have still made me happier than I ever thought I could be, and I swear to god, I will still try with everything I am to make you feel the same way," he some-what quoted his own proposal, taking a step forward, feeling braver as he got tears in his own eyes, memory after memory flooding back. "I love you. And any surprises that come our way, it's okay because I will always love you," he finished quietly, repeating what he'd vowed to her years before.

Monica looked down, fighting tears. All of that mixed with everything he'd done…it was all too much. "You don't deserve to be forgiven," she finally whispered.

"I know."

"But," Monica continued. "If it were easy…If you could walk out of here tonight and I'd never have to see you again…If one of us could just leave and never come back…"

"But real life is never that simple," Chandler looked at her.

"Exactly."

"What'd you tell Josh and Megan?"

"That we needed some time apart to think," Monica looked up at him. "I don't want them to hate you. Though I doubt I could tell Megan anything that would make her think anything less than the world of you."

"Josh is another story," Chandler mumbled.

"You know he loves you, Chandler."

Chandler smiled slightly. "And that's why this isn't simple. **They** are why this isn't simple."

"Not just them, Chandler," Monica looked at him before closing her eyes, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "I still love you. I've loved you for so long that I don't know how to stop," she looked back to him.

"Mon-"

"**But**," Monica cut him off. "But I still can't just forgive you. You hurt me, you screwed up. Big time. And I just…I can't, Chandler. Not yet, at least."

Chandler studied Monica's face for a second, watching as she wiped away her tears before bothering to wipe away his own. He'd cried more in the past few days than he had in his entire life. 

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Chandler looked her in the eye. "Do you want me to leave?"

To

Be

Continued…

Do you want her to want him to leave? LOL, I'm really not sure. But I do know what she wants…and you don't. Ha. But review and you'll know soon…


	9. Water Runs Dry

Betrayal

Part 9~ Water Runs Dry

Thanks so much for the reviews : ) At the end, I meant that I wasn't sure if I wanted Monica to want him to leave, not that I didn't know what she wants. Hm. That's confusing, lol. So apparently when you're trying to get your parents to make your curfew later, a good argument isn't "well that's the city curfew so the city obviously thinks I should be able to stay out that late." Yeah, they don't buy it, they just laugh. Just some advice : ) But anyway, here we go, the song "Water Runs Dry" is by Boyz II Men, so I obviously don't own it.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Chandler looked Monica in the eye. "Do you want me to leave?"

Monica looked back. It was a simple question. Yes or no. Yes, he screwed up, leave. No, stay, there's too much to just leave. And both sides in her head had a convincing argument.

"I want so badly to be able to say 'yes' to that and just have this be over with," she started. "But…I can't. We've been married for 15 years…We met 11 years before that…That's 26 years, Chandler. You have to expect a couple of crappy years in there somewhere. And I am **not** saying that what you did was okay or that you had an excuse…But the past couple of years have been hell. We don't even talk anymore…that's part of the problem. And when we do talk, it's to fight, and I feel like we just…"

"Fight for the sake of fighting," Chandler finished her sentence. 

Monica nodded, smiling slightly at his ability to still read her mind, to still know exactly what she was thinking.

__

We don't even talk anymore

And we don't even know what we argue about

Don't even say I love you no more

Cause sayin' how I feel is no longer allowed

Some people will work things out

And some just don't know how to change

"So where do we go from here?"

Monica shrugged. "I'm actually kind of hungry, we could go-"

"No jokes, I'm serious, Mon."

"I know," Monica snapped back, "but I don't know, Chandler. Do I throw away 26 years because of one mistake? Because you sure as hell didn't think twice about throwing away 26 years for ten minutes of pleasure."

Chandler turned red, looking down.

Monica sighed, "But my point is I can't make this decision by myself…Because if I say that I'll give us another chance, we're going to have to work at it. Seriously work at it. Both of us. And if I'm willing to, have to know that you're willing to, also."

"I am."

"But how can I trust that, Chandler? How can I trust you?" she looked at him. "I mean, I just…I **can't** trust you."

"So is that a yes, then?" Chandler sighed.

"A yes to what?" Monica looked at him, confused.

"You never answered me when I asked if I should leave," he paused, looking up at her. "Should I leave?"

Monica sighed, knowing that with one word, their entire world would change.

Let's don't wait till the water runs dry

We might watch our whole lives pass us by

Let's don't wait till the water runs dry

We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives

Don't do it, baby

To

Be

Continued...

Ah, yes, I am evil, I still didn't answer his question…please review : )


	10. Breathing

Betrayal

Part 10~ Breathing

Monica sighed, knowing that with one word, their entire world would change. She looked up and met his eye, the hurt in her own eyes reflected in his. Maybe not for the same reasons, but it was still there. Hurt. And guilt. And more memories than she could count. More hurt than she ever thought she could know, but more happiness than she ever thought could actually be made possible by one person. More betrayal than she'd ever felt, but more love than she'd thought could ever exist.

Blue.

Somewhere in the middle of the clashing thoughts, the unsureness, the arguments in her head, begging her to let him stay, pleading her to make him go, somewhere in the middle of the betrayal, the love, the hurt, the happiness, that was all she saw. Blue. And that was what brought her back to reality.

They had to make it work. They had two very good reasons to at least try and make it work. Two reasons that meant the world to both of them.

But Megan and Josh weren't the only reasons.

They were supposed to be the perfect couple, live the perfect fantasy. Fall madly in love with your best friend and never fall out, live happily ever after. And that's where they were. Somewhere in between, in the part that tends to be left out. But there was still love. They were both still in love. Somewhere, between the fights, the yelling, the lies, the betrayal…Somewhere in there, there was still love.

And they had to at least try.

Monica licked her lips, trying to find her voice. "No," she finally said quietly. "Stay."

"Really?" Chandler asked, relieved, and she just nodded.

"We have to at least try…We have to much not to."

Chandler nodded, letting out a long breath as he thought. "So what now?"

Monica shrugged, taking a step closer to him. "I guess…we make love," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him, their first real kiss in what had seemed like forever.

__

I'm finding my way back to sanity

Though I don't really know what

I'm gonna do when I get there

Take a breath and hold on tight

Spin around one more time

And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

Chandler tightened his arms around Monica, trying to chase away all of his doubts. But as much as he wanted to believe that it was just that easy, as easy as it had seemed earlier, he knew that it wasn't. 

Sure, they had been good once, really good. But they'd come a long way from the near paradise that they had once known.

And he knew it wasn't that easy. They couldn't just talk and cry and then sleep together and have it all be right again. He knew it didn't work like that. 

Chandler closed his eyes, not wanting to think about that. He deeply inhaled, letting Monica's familiar scent comfort him as he started to plant small kisses down her neck, just needing to feel her close.

__

I am looking past the shadows

Of my mind into the truth and

I'm trying to identify

The voices in my head

God, which one's you

Let me feel one more time

What it feels like to feel

And break these calluses off of me

One more time

"You awake?" Chandler asked softly, hating to break the silence that had overtaken them.

"Mmm-hmm," Monica replied.

"Do we-do we need to talk more or anything right now?"

"I don't know what else there is to be said tonight," Monica rolled over so that she was facing him.

Chandler just nodded, agreeing. "Do you-do you think we're going to be okay?"

Monica paused for a moment. "All we can do is try," she replied honestly, lying her head back down against his chest.

"Yeah," Chandler agreed. "All we can do is try," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her temple.

Chandler just lay there, thinking. Trying was fine with him. That was actually more than he could ask for. He wasn't even sure that he deserved that much of a second chance.

But he wasn't about to argue.

They had a long road ahead of them, a hell of a long road. And it was going to take work, Monica was right about that. It was going to take more yelling and fighting and making up…It was going to take talking. Actually talking to each other again. It was going to take work. And he wasn't sure if in the end it would actually work, but they were trying. And that's all they could do. Try. 

This was the beginning. This was where they needed to be. And if they were at least getting the chance to make this work, then this was exactly where he wanted to be.

Chandler sighed, closing his eyes and letting the steady sound of Monica's breathing reassure him, eventually lulling him to sleep as well.

__

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't want to speak tonight

That's all right, all right with me

"Cause I want nothing more than

To sit outside heaven's door

And listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be

It's where I want to be

"Breathing" by Lifehouse

Ummm…I think that's it. The end. Fin. Finito. No more. Cuz that's somewhat closure…and I don't know how I would go past this point…this would seriously go on forever if I did, lol. Even though there was pretty much a consensus that most of you wanted Monica to let him stay, a few people didn't want her to forgive him. I, personally, am a very unforgiving person, so I get where that's coming from. But I figure that after that long and with that much of a history and with two kids and all that stuff, they gotta give it another chance. But that's just my thought. So that's it…please review and thanks for reading…I was really worried when I first posted this that no one would like it. Oh, one more thing. A few months ago I wrote a songfic that's pretty much the opposite of this one, Monica cheated on Chandler, to the song "Forgive" by Rebecca Lynn Howard…if anyone's interested I could post it. Sorry 'bout the long AN at the end…but I didn't have one at the beginning cuz I didn't want to give stuff away ;) please review and let me know what you thought…


End file.
